So you think you understand...

If you are thinking I am not taking something seriously enough because you cannot see the blood from my broken heart spilling out all over the floor, ok, that's good cause that would scare people.

Maybe, what you are seeing is me standing on the rock of my faith - my incredible Father, Who is working things out in our lives.

Or, maybe what you are seeing is some therapeutic dancing and singing because I am intentionally choosing not to live in the pain every. moment.
You know they say you cannot judge a book by its cover... along those same lines - you cannot always see the brokenness in a life by looking at someones' face.

Imma gonna dance on - with you or without you, it's ok. I have friends who get it.

New Adventure

Today.
Today was my first afternoon as an "empty nester".
The most recent children in our house launched this morning. I spent a bit of the day on the road. I drove one of the children to the 1st day of school, came home - the other child left with mom to begin a new adventure. Drove my oldest to work because of car trouble and rain, had coffee and lunch. Drove back home. Drove back to school to deliver papers, then to pick up oldest from work. Drove with oldest child (adult child actually, but since I'm talking about my empty nest... child ...) to location of the troubled car where I assisted by straightening up my car a bit, playing with my camera, then reading while I waited. Drove home.

I experienced answered prayer twice today. Both times the prayers were answered within an hour, the second prayer within 15 minutes actually. I do not believe in coincidence. I asked, He answered.
Kind of like -
"God! Father! Are you there?"
"I am."
He reassures His child.

I see the empty rooms and I feel ... I feel, quiet.
I do not know what I will feel tomorrow as I wash linens, make beds, put away toys, but right now, I. just. feel. quiet.
I feel at peace.

We will put our house in order and then we will wait. We will wait upon the Lord.

Tomorrow I intend to sit out on the deck with my Bible, my journal, a cup of coffee and my camera. There will be no one bickering in the sandbox, because there will be no one playing in the sandbox.

I will wait, with a grateful, praise-filled heart.
I do not need to "find my new self" because I have heard a whisper, I have felt His eyes upon me. He hears my voice, I know that He is near and I know that I am His. I am His, and I breath and I move and I wait.
Tomorrow, who knows, maybe despair will find me, maybe I will be walking in the valley. But, for this day I certainly understand what it is to delight in the Lord. I am feeling the peace that passes understanding. It's good.

He. IS. good.