Still working on the Love Wins thing. I fear I will never get there.

Update.
We are now a family of 6.  I love to say that. If you count marriage, we are actually a family of 7.
Our guardianship has turned into adoption, our situation is sanctioned by law and permanent.  We no longer need to fear separation.  Praise God.
All good .
Yet, I return here tonight because all is not well in my world.
I read this line the other day: we all secretly desire to be loved.
I attended a church that proclaims Love Everyone Always.
I attend a church that proclaims You Are Loved.
I proclaim Love Wins. (before Rob Bell published it).
I long for it, yet I am so bad at doing it.
My family of origin - a mess.  My heart breaks. We are so disconnected.  I search the Word to hear that I can just let this be. I can shake the dust off my sandals and walk away. Yet, I am pretty sure I cannot simply walk away.
I desire to be loved. I desire to let my family know I love them. I long to embrace them and to be embraced by them.
When I am. Embraced by them, I scream inside - it is not deep enough. You. Do not love me enough.
And then my heart breaks.
I had opportunity to love and I did not.  Instead I threw a tantrum like a 3 year old. Because I felt left out.

He drew a circle that shut me out.
Heretic. Rebel.
A thing to flout.
But love and I had wit to win.
We drew a circle that took him in.

I learned this little poem in grade school. THIS is who I want to be, who I long to be. I know I can cite Bible verses to support it, and, I failed.
My only comfort is that God loves me because I am His, not because of what I have done.
I pray and wait for another chance.

I will wait upon the Lord.

Be still and know that I am God.
Psalm 46:10

I will wait, He will fight for me.
My hope is in Him. The only thing I can do, the best thing I can do is to lay it down before Him.